'Keep it quiet.
No one will ever know
you are here.'
And the message grew deeper,
and silence found its way into my bones...
and sadness made a solid place for itself
when there was no exit door for anger.
The trouble with this (like there is anything but trouble with this picture) is my LOUD HEART. Though my censored living has had the upper hand until now, I am still a moving, breathing (sometimes barely), limping, loving, faithing, creating, passionate woman.
AND I CAN'T BE QUIET ANYMORE.
Enter my good friend, the Lochness Monster (she does, in fact, exist for the daring).
...Rising from the way-deep and undiscovered of my heart...and showing me how to be good and angry and UN-okay with living underwater forever, and never being heard, or seen or known and living in fear of finding my true voice which could be
Sometimes big scary monsters are friends in disguise. Sometimes they reveal themselves for a moment, build a safe-house for you, and give you permission to be whatever it is that IS. Companions on a pathway to freedom and empowerment that cannot be denied, they are like big erasers for big ugly messages that have no business ever being believed or lived.
Yes, I am still angry. I am finding that it doesn't just go away overnight. Nor does it make my days immediately shiny and [shazam!] I am just grateful even in the middle of the
that I am learning to show hospitality to the presence of God's work within me even when it doesn't look like what I think it should look like. Or sound like it always has.
(I am curious,
What are some healthy ways that you express anger? How do you let yourself be alive from the inside out, in a world that seems to censor emotions on display?
Tips for a newbie, pretty please?